Once upon a time ...

The LMT Crew

...in the sleepy town of Radstock there lived a band of sterling guys and gals devoted to the arcane magic of RF, DSP and sheep rustling. I worked in this insane asylum for three years and, apart from a tour of the Home Counties with a musical, was about the most fun-filled period of my life.

This site is sincerely dedicated to all those wonderful people who worked there in the late 90s. These photos were taken during my tenure there as lab tech and webmaster.

To play the slideshows, select a category and then click any picture to start playing.

Spanking the Webmonkey

Red Nose Day - The Pickled Onion Contest

  • What is it?
  • Eyewatering
  • Chewing
  • Suspicion
  • Heckling
  • Contemplation
  • Eager anticipation
  • Head to head
  • I'm not well!
  • The unfortunate result
  • Glad I'm not involved!
  • What is it?
    Vanessa is apparently not that keen on pickled onions – at least, I think that's a pickled onion…
  • Eyewatering
    Cheered on by some of the crew, Rick struggles manfully with an eye-watering silverskin.
  • Chewing
    Our Fearless Leader chews thoughtfully on a choice specimin.
  • Suspicion
    Paul checks to see that no one has slipped a sheep's eyeball into the bowl.
  • Heckling
    Mr West take a dim view of the heckling from the crowd.
  • Contemplation
    Our Fearless Leader comtemplates the competition while the Mother Superior keeps score.
  • Eager anticipation
    A breathless hush settles on the incumbents as the contest hots up.
  • Head to head
    Looking for all the world like a pair of faintly demented telecom engineers, Paul & Phil egg (or is that onion) each other on.
  • I'm not well!
    Phil counts the number of times that he's chundered during rehearsals.
  • The unfortunate result
    Paul has the satisfied air of someone who has just "cut the cheese" in a particularly gratifying manner.
  • Glad I'm not involved!
    Some of the crew enjoying the spectacle of Aged Senior Management pickling their intestines.

Red Nose Day - Part Deux

  • Hostage
  • Fashion statement
  • Bird Lives!
  • Style
  • A sure bet
  • Fighting talk
  • The resolute response
  • The madhouse
  • A new double act
  • What, nothing from Mozart?
  • Who did it?
  • Lock up your daughters
  • Show me the money!
  • Take the strain
  • A proper result!
  • Hostage
    Oh no! Someone has kidnapped our mascot. Unless the princely sum of £2.00 can be found, it's lamb chop time.
  • Fashion statement
    Martin is wearing a pale grey blouse in shot silk with a contrasting black wrap-around skirt by Versace. His accessories are by Chanel with footwear by Dr. Martens.
  • Bird Lives!
    Abiy performing that classic Errol Garner tune, "Misty". It was at this point that Spanking started looking around nervously for Jessica Walter…
  • Style
    Nina takes fashion notes from Jack as Richard threatens passersby with his impersonation of Lemmy from Motörhead.
  • A sure bet
    Geoff and Woody looking terribly smug. It seems they had inside knowledge of betting patterns in the management effectiveness play-offs.
  • Fighting talk
    Our Fearless Leader and his gun of solid molybdenum engages in mortal combat with…
  • The resolute response
    …Phil "You'll never take me alive, copper" West.
  • The madhouse
    This lot get let out of the asylum every so often. The fresh air does them good and the locals have learnt to ignore the more bizarre behaviour - this is a mild example!
  • A new double act
    Hinge & Bracket were never this debonair.
  • What, nothing from Mozart?
    Rick finds his centre of gravity altered somewhat with his feisty impression of Sir Thomas Beecham.
  • Who did it?
    We all want to know who the father is7hellip;
  • Lock up your daughters
    If I were Rick, I'd be dead worried if I saw a couple of dodgy blokes like this hanging around my car.
  • Show me the money!
    Phil and some of his cronies attempt to extract money from those members of staff too parsimonious to contribute.
  • Take the strain
    This lot were trying their best too.
  • A proper result!
    To the victor, the spoils. Comic Relief are now better off to the tune of £2.37 and a half-eaten packet of Polo Mints.

Red Nose Day - Eggs & Doughnuts

  • The challenge
  • Getting down to it
  • Unfair competition
  • Cast iron throat
  • Tension
  • Seconds out!
  • Foul play?
  • The mountain to climb
  • The race is on
  • On form as usual
  • An artist at work
  • Oops!
  • The end in sight
  • Applause
  • Betting on the outcome
  • The winner!
  • The challenge
    This is what our intrepid gamesters were faced with – one of Rick's infamous extra-hot pickled eggs. Eat one of these, your tongue dials the fire brigade!
  • Getting down to it
    While Phil adjudicates, the team tuck in.
  • Unfair competition
    The Fool has just discovered why our Fearless Leader is justifiably famous for his eggs. Shortly after this photo was taken, the Fool was discovered attempting to swallow the fire hose.
  • Cast iron throat
    Mother Superior, meanwhile is completely unfazed and tucks into the left-overs. Councillor Wood's eyes were seen to water at this point…
  • Tension
    The tension is unbearable. Betting on this event had been running at an all-time high. Vanessa and Sarah have obviously been studying the form.
  • Seconds out!
    John receives encouragement from his personal trainer.
  • Foul play?
    Rick double-checks to see that no one has secreted a vacuum cleaner about their person.
  • The mountain to climb
    The challenge: consume as rapidly as possible ten jam doughnuts without the benefit of a safety net or clergy.
  • The race is on
    John shows early promise from the off while Paul seems more concerned with contemplating his navel.
  • On form as usual
    Of course, the smart money was on Lee who demonstrates his devastating form with the casual air of a commensurate professional scoffer.
  • An artist at work
    Such style! Such artistry! Lee's nimble fingerwork drew gasps of admiration from the crowd.
  • Oops!
    John takes Red Nose Day a little too literally.
  • The end in sight
    Paul looks faintly rattled as Lee looks set to cruise to victory.
  • Applause
    John applaudes the quality of the competition, particularly as it subsequently proved to be in full accordance with published BSI standards for doughnut consumption.
  • Betting on the outcome
    Woody and Geoff check on the betting progress. It's going to be a close thing…
  • The winner!
    The winner! Ever the gentleman, Lee demonstrates his impeccable manners shortly before commencing a victory lap around the trunking lab.

Rogue's Gallery

  • Food, glorious food
  • Fancy Dress?
  • In full flow
  • Gas
  • Food!
  • Satisfied
  • Dancing
  • Gurning
  • Maths
  • The Lunatics
  • Cleaning the car
  • We have a winner!
  • It works!
  • Who's that man?
  • Dodgy trio
  • Small fry
  • The winners
  • Food, glorious food
    Here we can see various people troughing down bigtime during the recent China Day. Note the careful disposition of limbs: this was to reduce the prospect of having an arm removed by someone else's teeth in the haste to consume an excellent repast.
  • Fancy Dress?
    Ahh yes, absent friends! Note that Mr Smith appears to have come dressed as a pirate although where the parrot is hidden is anybody's guess!
  • In full flow
    Councillor Wood expousing on the virtues of things Oriental. Council meetings will never be the same again…
  • Gas
    Meanwhile upstairs, Mr Frost is demonstrating an alternate method of supplying natural gas.
  • Food!
    Whilst the table groans under the weight of all that food, Mr Weeks considers the gastronomic possibilities of Roast Student…
  • Satisfied
    …which he seems to have resolved to his evident satisfaction!
  • Dancing
    A rare glimpse of the ancient pagan ritual dance celebrating terminal boredom.
  • Gurning
    Our very own Fool practicing for the local gurning championships. Mr Smith, meanwhile, appears to have his own agenda…
  • Maths
    The Fool attempts Higher Mathematics.
  • The Lunatics
    The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum!
  • Cleaning the car
    Our Fearless Leader showing his adroitness in the Formation Car Valeting competition…
  • We have a winner!
    …and receiving the Ultimate Accolade, the DFC (Dunce's Flying Cap) for outstanding bravery whilst facing a vicious and psychotic paper shredder.
  • It works!
    Our very own Mr Davies. The smile is apparently down to him having found a Mk 2 Mid-Tier that works!
  • Who's that man?
    The Late Mr Jordan and Devil-Incarnate Frost. Did Nick know something we don't?
  • Dodgy trio
    Now let's face it. Would you buy a trunked radio system from these guys?
  • Small fry
    Mr Bridges is keen to demonstrate the result of his latest fishing trip.
  • The winners
    The Training Day winners looking unbelieveably smug. Mr Wood's taste in shorts has, regrettably, not improved!

Odds & Sods

  • It's a fair cop
  • We are sailing
  • An old advert
  • Sgt Fitzy
  • Wedding celebrations
  • Oi you!
  • Ouch!
  • Kinky!
  • The Tank Commander
  • Confetti
  • Learner
  • Silly people
  • Cakes!
  • All aboard!
  • Next stop, Broadway
  • It's a fair cop
    Richard tries his hand at a new career in the constabulary.
  • We are sailing
    Mr Wilson leads his team in a rousing rendition of 'Blow The Man Down'
  • An old advert
    A youthful John in an ancient publicity photo. Aahhh!
  • Sgt Fitzy
    I love the smell of napalm in the morning!
  • Wedding celebrations
    This bunch of drunken reprobates celebrate Sarah's wedding. Maybe someone should have told Andy!
  • Oi you!
    Ian has obviously taken a dislike to the photographer. I'm not sure quite what Andy is doing…
  • Ouch!
    Quality Control in action. The moral is, never get your ring caught!
  • Kinky!
    It seems Paul has a thing about rings…
  • The Tank Commander
    Rick tries out his new car. He reckons it's easier to park than the BMW (principally because you can park the damn thing anywhere.
  • Confetti
    The traditional laying on of confetti.
  • Learner
    She'll need those 'L' plates (although maybe not…)
  • Silly people
    These people are mad, bad and dangerous to sheep!
  • Cakes!
    Mr Steve Kearns demonstrates the correct way of eating a cream cake.
  • All aboard!
    The LMT crew take possession of the new demonstration bus!
  • Next stop, Broadway
    A rare photo of some of the LMT mob auditioning for 'A Chorus Line'

Barbecue

  • Frying tonight!
  • Feeding time at the Zoo
  • The Old Folks relax
  • Poetry
  • Is it true?...
  • And the winner is…
  • Lazing in the sun
  • Prizegiving
  • Hi-tech
  • Caught in the act
  • A happy man
  • A nutty problem
  • Hippy engineer
  • Frying tonight!
    Phil demonstrates the correct technique for incinerating a perfectly good burger.
  • Feeding time at the Zoo
    Some of the inmates enjoying a good scoff!
  • The Old Folks relax
    Aged senior management take a well-deserved rest from the rigours of eating.
  • Poetry
    Mr B. in the midst of reciting that well-known classic of Vogon poetry, "Ode To A Smalll Green Lump Of Putty I Found In My Armpit One Summer's Morning"
  • Is it true?...
    These two people are actually enjoying themselves…
  • And the winner is…
    The winner of the darts tournament attempts to see off all the competition by indulging in a knuckle-grinding contest. Mr Weeks, meanwhile, can be seen rehearsing his poetry recital.
  • Lazing in the sun
    Look, it's sunny, the food's free and we're not moving!
  • Prizegiving
    "Jocky" Wilson collects his priceless objet d'art. Whether he'll get his hand back is another matter…
  • Hi-tech
    Mr Davenport looks on smugly while Mr West attempts to wrestle with yet another piece of high technology.
  • Caught in the act
    Mr West practicing the big torch song from "La Cage Aux Folles".
  • A happy man
    Our Brian at last solves the problem with the Mk 1.
  • A nutty problem
    Well, he's either checking his small change or…
  • Hippy engineer
    Paul has obviously spent too much time at the Glastonbury Festival.

Another Barbecue

  • Pic006
  • Pic004
  • Pic008
  • Pic009
  • Pic010
  • Pic011
  • Pic012
  • Pic013
  • Pic014
  • Pic015
  • Pic016
  • Pic017
  • Pic018
  • Pic020
  • Pic022
  • Pic006
    Mr West has been divested of the plebian title, "Entertainments Manager" and has been accorded the new monkier, "Chef Al Fresco Extraordinaire".
  • Pic004
    As the team queue for some of Phil's impeccable cuisine, John glances enviously at the mountainous example Spanking was guzzling.
  • Pic008
    Abiy and David are regaled by our Fearless Leader's evident expertise in Egyptian athletics.
  • Pic009
    Rick unveils the new company flag. Local residents were understandably nervous when it was recently hoisted atop the new radio mast.
  • Pic010
    Del assures Doug that it really is a beefburger and not the company mascot, as some miscreant had alleged.
  • Pic011
    Hamid and Jo look amazed to hear that Nigel's not going for seconds.
  • Pic012
    Helen wonders where her "mayonnaise" has come from.
  • Pic013
    Apparantly unpeturbed, Helen tuck in regardless.
  • Pic014
    Woody is surprised to hear that Tim actually knows what TETRA stands for.
  • Pic015
    "Look, I tell you it moved of its own accord!".
  • Pic016
    Lee's counting his lucky stars that it's not a doughnut!
  • Pic017
    Good thing that veggies are few and far between. This lot look a touch distressed.
  • Pic018
    Bob attempts to calculate his chances of diverting Fitzy's attention from the task in hand.
  • Pic020
    Rick can barely contain his glee at the thought that he's about to do one particular member of staff up like a kipper.
  • Pic022
    The kipperee, your very own Spanking, risking life and limb (and an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Worst Poet in an Insane Asylum) in a hideously misguided attempt to bring kulture to the masses.

Xmas 98

  • Brian-s
  • Chas-lisa
  • Chas
  • Fitz-and-fool
  • Fitz
  • Fool-crown
  • Jo-band
  • Jrd
  • Penguin
  • Rick-fool
  • Sarah-lush
  • Table1
  • Table10
  • Table11
  • Table12
  • Table2
  • Table3
  • Table4
  • Table5
  • Table6
  • Table7
  • Table8
  • Table9
  • The-girls
  • Woody1
  • Brian-s
    Our friends from Fylde looking relaxed. There was a rumour that Brian's bow tie rotated but this proved to be scuttlebutt – shame really!
  • Chas-lisa
    Beauty & the Beast. Guess which is which…
  • Chas
    Oh dear! After years of avoiding the camera, Chas finally succumbs. You can see why he prefers to take pictures rather than to appear in them!
  • Fitz-and-fool
    The Fool tries to educate Rick in the finer points of professional Foolery
  • Fitz
    Mr Fitzsimmons looks smug as he has just eaten the last mince pie!
  • Fool-crown
    The Ultimate Accolade – our Fool now has new headgear as befits his elevated station in life.
  • Jo-band
    Here we find what some of our RF engineers get up to in their spare time.
  • Jrd
    John tries out his famous impression of Mickey Mouse, although some have said that his expression results from driving his Honda VFR at high speed.
  • Penguin
    Lee's idea of what the well-dressed software engineer is wearing this season. This picture was taken shortly before a polar bear tried to have him for lunch.
  • Rick-fool
    Our Fearless Leader checks to see if the Fool has any surprises of an explosive nature concealed about his person.
  • Sarah-lush
    Sarah (where would we be without her) shows her mettle in the Formation Chablis Drinking competition.
  • Table1
  • Table10
    Meanwhile, down at t'other end, Rick and John are trying to contain their shock at seeing Chas in a suit.
  • Table11
    You can tell the politician in this shot – he's the only one looking at the camera, ever watchful for the odd photo-opportunity.
  • Table12
  • Table2
    Helen won the Sparkly Costume award hands-down whilst Mr & Mrs Perrett brought a much-needed sobriety to the ocassion.
  • Table3
  • Table4
    Mr Dolman does a fair impersonation of Lenny Bernstein. The rest of the table, however, look like they've never heard of Mozart.
  • Table5
    The two gentlemen sporting the white tuxedos were though to be a couple of lounge lizards fresh from the Riviera but upon closer examination, turned out to be Messrs Moon and Love.
  • Table6
  • Table7
  • Table8
  • Table9
    This assortment of high-powered indivuals are rumoured to be involved with a certain West Country electronics R & D facility (allegedly!).
  • The-girls
    Tish & June caught in an informal moment shortly before leading the entire ensemble in a rousing rendition of the Okey Cokey.
  • Woody1
    In recognition of outstanding achievement in Foolery (both Classical and Modern styles), Mr Davenport, resplendent in dodgy syrup, stands ready to receive the Ultimate Accolade.

Latest Reader Contributions

  • IWCE1
  • IWCE2
  • Carol & Rick Fitzsimmons
  • Sue
  • NKB Shoots Rick Hillum
  • Phil & Liz West
  • Phil West As Bin Laden
  • Phil West Under Many's Spell
  • Rick Hillum
  • Sarah
  • Sue & Norm
  • Sue by the River Avon
  • Tish & Rick Hillum